tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
50% drunk capacity currently
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize