I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
