It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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