no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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