Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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