why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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