I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
