Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
