Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
