my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
