sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
