hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
