I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
