Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
