mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
