he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize