I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
