Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
