I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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