I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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