I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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