I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
