we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
