So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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