yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
