her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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