No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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