I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
