I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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