somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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