I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
