just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
