Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
