you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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