I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
