i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
