dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
