remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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