Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
