I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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