I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize