dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
