Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
