I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
