I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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