sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
