Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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