Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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