just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
