as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
