Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
