In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize