I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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