My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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