btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
