3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
