thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
