i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
