NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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