For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
