I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to make out with him forever
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
