Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
