I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize