Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My liver just broke up with me...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
